Back to workforce

Have been to many interviews lately, regardless of agents or direct companies. Finally, today I've receive a phone call from one of the agents that I'm shortlisted for the job. Yes! I've got the job! No more of traveling ample times for interviews now. It was quite difficult to find a suitable job to suits my schedule as I've to fetch and pick Eden back and fro school. I could only get a strictly 5 days job around the West/North area. Basic simple admins roles, no or seldom OT because I don't intend to send Eden school on Sat. Well, I'm gonna start work on next Thursday. So I gonna live like I'm dying and enjoy my days before I start working.

I'm feeling so nervous and anxious. It's been awhile when I've been away from the workforce. I'm really afraid I'm not able to cope especially I'm a mom now. Many choices and decisions I'm going to make, I have to think twice for myself and for the family.

There's so many worries. Hopefully I'll be able to cope and get use to it fast. I've always have high expectations of myself. I cannot let myself down so I'm actually giving myself a lot of stress. I thought so much lately, everything happens for a reason. Sometimes I really feel so pressurize for bottled up all problems to myself.. I have a feeling I'm gonna explode sooner or later. Sigh!

Off from the topic, I finally have the courage to start doing some exercise ytd.Done some crunches before I went to bed. Hopefully, this motivation will lasted longer. I missed my figure badly. Although I'm slimmed a little but it's still far from my previous figure and expectations. Gambate! Wendy! You can do it!

Random

写了几封信给你 我自己都已经忘记

经过许多年 它们不曾呼吸

写了几个字给你 我始终没有传过去

自己偷偷暗藏 算不算心机

我猜模糊了期待 就有勇气再重来

暂时不明白 但我愿意等待

谁记得谁痛苦你说的容易

努力摹仿你轻松语气

我的生活还要继续 好不容易

就算是等待只换来对不起

我还是可以说服自己

舍得每一段风景 因为舍不得自己 再想起你

心里有几个抽屉 是不能翻开的秘密

经过许多年 假装不曾想起

心中有多少回忆 是不能碰触的刺激

渐渐变成悬疑 够不够美丽

我猜模糊了期待 就有勇气再重来

暂时不明白 但我愿意等待

谁记得谁痛苦你说的容易

努力摹仿你轻松语气

我的生活还要继续 好不容易

就算是等待只换来对不起

我还是可以说服自己

舍得每一段风景 因为舍不得自己 再想起你

Maze

Sometimes I do asked myself. Who I really am? What am I? What I'm doing? What should I do? As times goes by, I find myself having lots of thoughts,many questions and wonders. I also find it hard to describe and express my feelings nowadays.


Everybody is handling their own problems and doing their own things. Din have a time to sit down and have a nice chat with you. Understand what you've gone thru and listen to what u wanna say.


I start to isolated myself. Restrict myself from talking out my feelings and troubles with people because they won't get to understand and put themselves in your shoes.Though they may say they understand they know, but by the matter of facts they know nuts about it. Probably just entertain you by saying some caring words that din meant from the heart , instead just want you to stop whining like a bitch and STFU.


Everything change so much after I've married and gave birth. Now I'm a mother, I have to keep spare thoughts for others that I don't have time to think about myself. It's always about the money, others' feelings and more on educating and teaching my son. No! If you thought I'm regretting for getting married in my early age and having a child, the answer is definitely 'N.O'. I love my son very much. I put him as my everything before I am but here I am talking is about my own issue. Not about my son. I also human, of cos even I'm a mom, the perceptions and decision of going out to the workforce to earn every single cents myself not depending on people, educate myself and learning more skills in regardless of life,work or for family is always stronger pinned in my mind. 


What I want is someone to talk to, someone who can really feel and understand you, believing in you, motivate you time to time telling you a simple words like "you can do it!", " I believe you can, believe in yourself" or a pat on you shoulder just to comfort you. It's good more than enough. Just that will warms my heart deeply. 

Sometimes I really tired. Very tired on doing things not feeling appreciated. When things are well, no one turn back and praise you for doing good. When things went wrong, everyone turn to your face pin-point straight at your face, screaming, shouting and blaming at you for not handling the situations well. Those good deeds that one's done is easily forgotten , but one mistake you make and you are gone case. I've always been doing things for people, volunteer and helping out from my heart. Who ever volunteer to help to do something for me just for the sake of putting themselves in your shoes and feel you? Often I feel it's worthless helping, asking myself why do I still help? You know what? I don't know neither. I know it's worthless but if someone approach me for help sincerely, I will still try help in regardless. You can call me dumb or stupid but I don't ask for any returns just to see a smile on their face or a relieve.


I gave up so much things now. Many things cannot be replace can neither be erase nor they have a re-do buttons for me. Though I told myself, I cannot keep look back and reminisce the past memories, have to look forward and embrace all the upcoming future but if without support, motivations and encouragement, I still can't see any future ahead awaiting for me. A definite goals to work to.