Sunday, September 19, 2010

I'm so messed up.

Things are getting too much emotional recently. I don't know why everything doesn't seems to be in the right place. However, I just can't find a way to make it right. Mouth was blocked. No right words seems to be able to come out from my mouth.

Recently I've been thinking. Getting emotionally depressed and stress up.
I blamed the hormones that is causing all these to happen. Shit crap!
It's getting tougher for me to get into sleep at night.
Backaches are annoying. Tossing and turning on the bed, just can't find a right position to sleep on.
It's so frustrating!

Some times, I'm really in dilemma.
One side of me telling me to be contented with what I have now and cherish the moment, the other side of me is feeling so depressed and feels that I worth more than just that.

These days, I felt that I'm a failure too. I spent too much time thinking about myself than the little precious in my tummy. I've been asking myself, is my feeling more important than my little precious. I've been doing many things that I never spare a thoughts of feelings on BB Eden. I feel failure as a mom.
Comparing to many mommies and mommies-to-be, I feel so inferior. It's like nothing I've done much to prepare for the little precious to arrive in this world. I'm so sorry my little precious.


Every thing seems normal to you. Why am I the only one to think negatively? I always thought we were much better and comfortable all along, but now I think otherwise. Is this what people so-called " marriage" is to be? I doubted so.

Where's the happiness from the bottom of the heart gone to?