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以前，以後

Sometimes I wonder what am I doing.
This is not the kind of life I yearn for.
Why in my life , I always can't get the things in my own way.
Always making the wrong choices.

Why cant I just be brave and more determine to achieve the kind of life style I always wanted.
Do & really be determine in going for what I like & be who I wanna be.
Often, I feel lost . Have these emptiness & loneliness within me.
I feel that I'm so ordinary and doesn't have a strong and unique personality at all.

Have to force myself to achieve what that doesn't make sense to myself.

Money can probably leads to a better life in the future but somehow, it's like I'm living for people and not myself.
Stubborn-ly stuck in a place where I'm not interested just because others keep telling me it's a kind of training for myself.
Just because don't wanna get look down by people saying that I can't take the hardship of working, force myself to stay in a company that I'm so sick and tired of.

I've been telling myself, by the end of the time, I won't get satisfied in what I'm doing but still stuck there.

Maybe to some, conclusion is important but if were to ask me, I would rather choose the process of the issue.
If during the process, you enjoy what you are doing and who you are, at least it wont feel so bad if the outcome is negative.
However, if during the process, you suffers a lot, though you probably gain more knowledge , you are still not happy.

Often I finds it hard to express myself & the way I'm feel now.
In life, there's always lost & gain.
I've got a job now but I feel lonely and emptiness.
I've drifted further & further with all my friends & families.
Sometimes I realized I rarely talk anymore, there's a loss of words.

This is not the Wendy Yang who I used to be.
What happen to me?
*Sigh*

Who am I?